This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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