Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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