well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
