Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
