I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
