I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
