Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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