please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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