are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
