i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
