I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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