Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
