I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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