everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
