come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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