She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
