Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
