If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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