i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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