If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
