i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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