sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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