how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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