i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
