my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize