It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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