she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
