If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
