I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
