I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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