i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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