I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
