Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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