Your dad touched me again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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