how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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