we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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