They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
