i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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