My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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