Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you never un-have a 4some
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
