Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
