My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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