I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
