listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
