did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
