the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
