you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
