Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
