forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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