Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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