let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
smell my finger.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have fence marks all over my body
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
