There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize