I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
