the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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