he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
