I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize