you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
