So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
