how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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