remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize