Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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