ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
