Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
