Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
