A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
