i need an iv and a liver transplant
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
