I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
