is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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