Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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