If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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