So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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