I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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