I wish I could teleport
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
