I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
