And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
